have prepared ourselves or have been prepared, so is the issue of our
temptations. My great temptation came upon me, foolish, ignorant,
unprepared: the wonder would have been if I had resisted it to my
own credit.
The days went on as usual at R----, and I must hold my place among the
careless daughters and not let them see my trouble. Careless daughters,
indeed they were, and I shuddered at the thought of their cold eyes: no
doubt their eyes, bright as well as cold, saw that something was amiss
with me; with all my bravery, I could not keep the signs of wretchedness
out of my pale face. But they never knew the story, and they could only
guess at what made me wretched. It is amazing (again) what power there
is in silence, and how much you can keep in your hands if you do not
open them. People may surmise--may invent, but they cannot know your
secret unless you tell it to them, and their imaginings take so many
forms, the multitude of things that they create blot out all definite
design. Thus every one at R---- had a different theory about my loss of
spirits and the relapse of Mr. Langenau, but no one ever knew what
passed that night.
Richard came. He was closeted with Sophie until after midnight, but I
do not think he told her anything that she desired to know. I think he
only tried to find out from her what had passed (and she did not know
that I had been in the library since she spoke to me). If Mr. Langenau
had been well, I have no doubt that it was his design to have dismissed
him on the following day, no matter at what hazard. How much he knew I
cannot tell, but enough to have warranted him in doing that, perhaps. He
probably would have put it in Mr. Langenau's power to have gone without
any coloring put upon his going that would have affected his standing in
the household. This was his design, no doubt; otherwise he would have
told his sister all. His delicate consideration for me made him guard as
sacred the fact that I had wasted my hope and love so cruelly.
He was not going away again, I soon found; _qui va a la chasse perd sa
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